“A CHEST TATTOO IS BOUND TO PLEASE THE LADIES”
By Brock Lesnar

(not really by Brock, but read on.)

More than smooth pick up lines or even penis size, a chest tattoo will get a hot chick’s motor running and you gettin’ some major action!

Check it out: this sword on my huge pecs looks like it was totally made from steel, man! I showed it to the girls down at the bar the other night, and they could barely contain themselves! One of them even called over her friends to have a look at the Brock and I can still remember her words: “Oh my God, Amy! You have GOT to be kidding me!” When I told that babe that it was for real, she and her amigas doubled over in what surely was an effort to conceal the fact that their panties were getting wetter by the second. I could so tell by their grins and looks of elation that they wanted to go for a ride. See? Nothing beats having that tat.

Girls like a guy who looks dangerous, like he’s been in prison or something. A chest tattoo would totally give you that look. You should go for something wicked or gnarly like a skull, or a cross, or a sword–but not too much like mine, you don’t want the ladies thinkin’ that you’re ripping off old Brock here. Maybe a heart with a sword through it, like Scott Steiner has. He gets some major tail too, why else would they call him “Freakzilla?” It’s because that tattoo is bitchin’. Hey, if you’re like Mexican or something, you should totally get the Virgin Mary tattooed on your chest to totally represent la raza!

Just remember that when you’re making your plans, do it at one of the quality shops in America that does a lot of skulls and roses and junk–don’t bother with those shops that custom design their shit or do those wierd-looking symbolic junk. That shit’s for hippies and queers, and you might get AIDS. A parlor where a lot of Navy guys go to get their drama mask skulls done is bound to be clean ’cause those guys ain’t homos like you have in the city; so clean, that you don’t have to worry about those dudes sterilizing their needles.

So why aren’t you running out the door yet? Get the tattoo dude, and tell the ladies that you got it while you were up the river; that’ll give you even more of an edge. And when you’ve got them right where you want ‘em, just tell them here comes the hard time!

CHEST TATTOOS RULE!!!

This article, fictionally written by “Brock Lesnar”, was written by RedQueen of The Wrestling Industry Times.

Don’t forget to check eBay for this week’s customs!